you mean more to me that you think.

it's the morning, and somewhat chilly. it's winter after this month, which is both good and bad... bad, because it means I walk around in the afternnoon in the becoming-dark, and I shower in the dark/cold if I do so in the morning.

good, because winter can feel comforting. being warmed against the chill, and seeing something pretty on grey days. even though i'm a sun person and love summer, I can respect winter too.

dads' flown away to Oman until mothers' day. I have to be careful... and not irritate my mum or be a pain in the ass. she has to manage all this formal preparty stuff for next friday on her own.. albeit with I and my sisters' help.

i'm working my ass off for a successful formal. I know it'll be great, but I want it to be wonderful not just for me, but because everyone around me deserves a really fun night. I want to see everyone, in a room, feeling happy! All at once! Life makes it so difficult just to see that on a large scale.

During these weeks of flighty stress and should-be-doings, i'm reading Etiquette: A Guide to Modern Manners. it's quite wholly interesting, so pick it up from me if you'd like to sharpen your knowledge of politeness.

Two minutes to seven, and this huge crack of lightening just occured..

But, the thing I feel like talking about is why I want my whole year level to feel happy.

This all stems from the fact that i'm insecure, but working on it.

Coming from a tiny junor school in which I was friends with mostly boys, I had a disdain for girls and didn't know how to be a good friend to people whom I hadn't known forever. Entering a highschool without really considering that, I had a really hard time being myself, and existed mostly by myself with strange loneliness. I wasn't used to anything other than individual friendships, and in that early time of highschool people survive by having a support group.

I'm still not a group person, not that I consider that a good or bad thing.
But, from the lonely time I did grow up gradually. Because the people in my school-life are very gentle and have personalities that anybody would want to know, i've somehow become increasingly who I really am.

Who I am is a person outgoing and social, very physically affectionate, and loves to talk. For a long time I never had an oppurtunity to just be me, mostly due to myself.

Everyone has their 'awkward years', and i've had such awkward years I have almost no memory of them at all. At least they don't burden me.

I guess, just thankyou for liking me.