when we are both cats

wow, oops

2008-05-06T00:04:00.000-07:00

uwahh, totally haven't posted since January. Balls.
this shall live again, you'll have all those tasty little tidbits of my life soon enough... again.

doing all sorts of things for the first time...

2008-01-20T00:16:00.001-08:00

i've been having a riotously good time lately... indulging in all the things I like. It's going to be fun and strange starting uni, but I think i'll find people who like me just fine.

Forgive the placid tone, I just feel really content of late.... it's comforting to write on here again. I wonder if people still read? this is a site full of small fragments of me, so perhaps it's interesting for a moment or two.

I really wish... I had some kind of wild passionate talent. I'll try to find something this year.... perhaps swing dancing with Josh.

For the moment, it's nice to plod along, so be happy, to have a good summer.

if you see me, you'll be crossing the street

2007-09-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sneaker Pimps - Black Sheep

don't look now, we're branded
we're the black sheep
sown apart messiah, makes the black sheep
when the water seems too deep... the shadows are waves, way beneath
but laughing loud, we brave the role of black sheep

ff you see me you'll be crossing the street
or kick me and then leave me to bleed..
if looks could kill wouldn't need all the pills,
but I take what it needs to be easy
with the black sheep, now
we're the black sheep, now

dont look now, we're stranded
here, as black sheep
swallowed whole and out of reach, the black sheep..
unsafe enough for now,
we're shepherded from higher ground..
but drown all out, we save the role of black sheep

if you see me you'll be crossing the street
or kick me and then leave me to bleed..
if looks could kill wouldn't need all the pills
but I take what it needs to be easy
with the black sheep, now
we're the black sheep, now

we're the black sheep, now

fancy some internet?

2007-09-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

Cupcakes take the Cake
daily cupcake goodness!

Fruit cross-pollination?
amazing weirdnesses of the edible persuasion

Guys and Dolls
documentary of the creepy world of purchaseable 'real dolls'

Scientology and Me
all you wanted to know about those zany alien-lovers

Puppy Whistle
makes my heart melt!

God Hates Fags - Phelps Family
a hugely twisted cult family..

Louis Theroux and the Nazis
horrific, interesting look at the neo-nazi american 'revolutionaries'

Prussian Blue
Lamb and Lynx (twin girls in the other nazi video) now have their own 'nazi pop band'... at the age of 14. sickeningly, they dedicated a track on their latest album to those who took part in the Cronulla Riots.

music post 15

2007-08-31T16:42:00.000-07:00

Ben Lee - Tornadoes

Aesop Rock - Daylight

Eddy Current Supression Ring - Demon's Demand

Interpol - Song Seven

Common - Be

Justice Vs. Simian - We Are Your Friends

Marie Digby - What I've Done (Linkin Park Cover)

DJ Khaled - We Taking Over

Common - Go

Justice - D.A.N.C.E (Original Mix)

Interpol - Length of Love

DJ Dangermouse - Justify My Thug

Jenny Rom - Blonde Girl (Momo Mix)

I Heart Hiroshima - Punks

Feist - 1234 (Vanshe Technologic Remix)

Gritz - My Life Be Like..

Eve feat. Sean Paul - Give it to You

Dance Dance Revolution - Tsugaru

Dance Dance Revolution - Phantom of the Opera

Dance Dance Revolution - Mr. Wonderful (for LAURAA ahhaa)

Dance Dance Revolution - Sakura

Dance Dance Revolution - Dream a Dream

Dance Dance Revolution (Mario Mix) - Rollercoastin'
Dance Dance Revolution (Mario Mix) - Pirate Dance
Dance Dance Revolution (Mario Mix) - Jump! Jump! Jump!
Dance Dance Revolution (Mario Mix) - Pipe Pop
ahaha, uses super mario music!

bang bi-doo bang!

2007-08-26T03:49:00.000-07:00

Dance Dance Revolution - Cowgirl

best song in the world! waaaah!

music post 14

2007-08-20T23:39:00.000-07:00

Smallgoods - Traipse Through the Valley
Linkin Park - Hands Held High
The Legion of Doom - Crazy as She Goes
Interpol - Song Seven
Marie Digby - Umbrella

Red Riders - Call on Me
DJ Dangermouse - Justify my Thug
Evermore - It's Only Love
Bluejuice - Vitriol

music post 13

2007-07-28T00:15:00.000-07:00

Bobby Valentino feat. Timbaland - Anonymous
hip-hop weooo

Rooney - When Did Your Heart Go Missing
absolutely love this. bordering on discoooo

Anthony and the Johnsons - Hitler in my Heart
the dark cabaret master, anthony always has an incredibly unique voice. the cello person used to play with Rasputina - sweet!

Pussycat Dolls Feat. Timbaland - Wait a Minute
a guilty pleasure, ok?!

Bird - Shoes Should All Cost the Same
pretty song, melancholic female vocal with strings

Sam Phillips - Reflecting Light
accoustic, female voice. she does a lot of scoring for Gilmore Girls, and at the start of this song I thought I was maybe listening to Missy Higgins :0

K-os - Sunday Morning
very fun dancy song, my typical tidy-the-room-on-saturday songs

Rich Boy feat.Timbaland - Get Down
raging rappage, though the instrumental track is nicely notable

____________________

90s

Everclear - Father of Mine
Nine Days - Absolutely (Story of a Girl)

packs

Feist Pack
Interpol Pack

mashups

Nine Inch Nails Vs. Garbage - Crushingly Close
Green Day Vs. Oasis - Boulevard of Broken Wonderwalls

Pa.

2007-07-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

22nd of July 1994, my dad lost his own father.
it's 13 years since you died, Pa, and as I write this dad is travelling to your ashy rose. I haven't slept like I usually do for 4 days now, and I think it's the tiredness making me so emotional.

Because I can't even say that I miss you, Pa. you died when I was four, I have only the very tiniest memories of you. it hurt my dad so much to lose you, he dissappeared from his daughter, he hid from me that he was greiving. I had no concept of what it meant for you to die. Confused, I rejected and came to be afraid of a toy you gave me, and felt I should never talk about you again.

I think it hurt my father that I said I couldn't come to see your rose. If he had told me in advance, I would have made the time, but he only asked this morning and I have pretty much all my work to do. I would have come to see you Pa, but it would have been for my dad.

this is because I don't have many feelings and memories associated with you Pa. to me, it feels like Nan was always alone, missing someone that used to live with her. I don't know who you were, or what you were like. dad is never quick to talk about you, neither is the rest of my family, and I feel afraid and awkward to ask. As such, I, your granddaughter, don't know who you are.

I asked dad to tell you about Josh, how I am doing at school, how dad felt about me (probably not too awesome, as we had a disagreement last night) when he visits your rose. i'm a really happy and lucky girl Pa, and I would like it if you were around, so that I would know how to laugh and joke with you as I love to with mums' father. I would have really liked to be your grandchild, and I feel that dad wishes the same.

he loves you so much, but even more than he loves you, he misses you. and that is the bitterness he carries, and is yet to really overcome. I hope one day my father less hates the unfairness of your death, and more loves the man you were.

your wife thinks of you daily. and the same, she misses you. she hates to be alone; her comfortable, controlled life was destroyed when you died, and it's taken all her strength to create again a life full of ritual and security, but it's a thin layer of control. beneath, she's still a housewife who no longer has the husband her life revolved around. you'd be proud of her grandmothering skills, Pa. she treats my sister and I with the greatest love and smothering. I sleep at your house sometimes, I keep Nan company for you.

this is probably not what you exactly wanted your family to feel, 13 years on from your death. but then again, I have no idea what you would have wanted at all.

I cried for the grandfather I never had, and I ask for you please try to give your wife and son peace.

music post 12 (req.)

2007-07-20T18:02:00.000-07:00

Linkin Park - In The End (Piano Ver.)
Linkin Park - Numb (Piano Ver.)

Linkin Park - What I've Done

will edit when more requests filter in xx

music post 11

2007-07-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

Carmen McRae - How Long Has This Been Going On (MJ Cole Remix)
Men, Women & Children - Dance In My Blood
Ben Harper - More Than Sorry
George Michael - Flawless (Go To The City)
Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme

Eagle Eyed Cherry - Save Tonight
The Doors - Hello, I Love You
Scissor Sisters - She's My Man & I Can't Decide
Jefferson Starship Airplane - White Rabbit
Everclear - She's So High Above Me
Seven Mary Three - Cumbersome

I still can't sleep properley, so don't expect brains :'<

request post up next!
if I may have a song you'd like/want, comment away.
eg. "laur oh I love Interpol, post all you have of them!" etc xx

2007-07-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

oh my god.

it is.

so cold.

forrealz,my contacts were so chilly from being in their little water stuff, it was like putting ice into my eyes. D:! D:!

Amsterdam and Essex were great by the way, got some shit stolen and photos lost in Holland, but hey it's probably karma for some crap I pulled way back, so i'm zen with everything again.

Jetlag is a real bitch, I fall asleep at 11, wake up at 2:30, can't sleep till 7:30, then I pass out and wake up at like 10am. it feels like my whole day is gone, and i'm really tiredddd. the difference with Holland/England is 8 to 9 hours, which is shit since it's not like a reversal of your day like 12 hour difference would be, it's just messes you up to half the time when you should sleep your body wants to be awake, and vice versa.

last HP book strikes on saturday, not that i'll be reading it. i'll eventually get around to it, but I just don't have super amounts of time/interest to do it in a quick fashion. year 12 is all about wanting to have this awesome lifestyle, but school is all 'shit, no, can't have you doing that. or at least you CAN do it, but then right after you're going to feel this tasty catholic guilt about it'.

everything becomes something you are doing to procrastinate from contributing to your 'learning'. fuck that, I learn all the time, about everything. amazing things. it's all from SBS, internet and most of all from people. not what you make me sit and do, which sure is pretty interesting, but it also stresses me the hell out, which I don't enjoy, and I don't have the money to get a massage every two days, and i'm short on meditation time.

anyway all this is just a very tired me, catch you up for tunes soon xx

prompted writing

2007-06-28T05:13:00.000-07:00

the word prompt is: spy

write freely, with no name.

music post 10

2007-06-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

DJ Tiesto - Motorcycle
Bittersweet - Don't Forget to Breathe
Dragonforce - Above the Winter Moonlight
Alex Gaudino - Destination Unknown
Erik Satie - Gymnopedie No.1
Hoku - Perfect Day
Calvin Harris - Colors
Everybody Else - Meat Market

yeahhhhh for a totally dorky mix!
just back from a snoozy, dozy wonderful long time in queenscliff. hope your weekends were rad.

ps. this guy loses his cool detail when he's small.. :(

Yann Tiersen and an awesome belt buckle...

2007-06-02T20:40:00.000-07:00

ahaha picture totally not related.

if you don't have it already, grab the OST for Goodbye Lenin.

Yann Tiersen is the best virtuoso of our times fo sho.

SPECIAL: Mr.J Medeiros - Constance

2007-05-31T00:29:00.000-07:00

he's part of the underground group The Procussions, and this song i've had lingering and can't help listening to all the time..

Mr. J Medeiros - Constance

An old man vacationing,
he stands patiently under,
a hotel sign that blinks vacancy.
he's thinking maybe-
he's too late to make the drop off

'till a truck coming his way
breaks and stops short,
and now he's out of sorts-
and you can see he's sorta nervous
walking to the passenger door
to meet his ordered service.

this is someones daughter working,
blames his conscience,
when the driver says:
'She's my youngest, her name is Constance.'
he comments
'and its only 6 dollars per visit;
just dont leave any marks on her,
it hurts business'

thought for a minute and he confessed
'that's fair'
since it was three dollars less
than his cab fare.

'how old are you honey?'
she says 'im thirteen.'
her nose was runny,
its raining in the Philippines

he handed over the money
in a chilling scene, the truck drives off
and now he's on the hunt to kill her dreams

the sign reads no vacancy,
he leads Constance to a room
he has rented for taping see,
he's about to turn six
into six thousand
and all you have to do is
click on your web browser

its not illegal to use raping as a cash crop
as long as it says she's 18 on your laptop

the sound of rain is her backdrop
laying there,
like she's waiting for somebody
to say they care.

while the tears of God
fall down the windowpane,
she feels unholy
like her Father doesnt know her name.

Mary Magdalene and
the Woman At The Well;
He knows everything that happened,
and in His arms she fell.

will you stay with me?

He's 21 and all alone
in his household,
he's tempted by the quiet he feels
and the mouse he holds.

the silence of his spouse is cold,
so he's about to help that man
get his six thousand - gold
one click and now she's sold
withholding his conscience,
scrolling through the comments

there she is looking confident;
a picture of Constance
in a series of video clips,
'adult content'

the title blinks in bold letters
like the vacancy sign;
its his time to go get her.
its like his mind doesnt know better-
her soul is crying out 'let me go'
but he wont let her.

he got her trapped inside
his media player
held captive by his need to replay her.
it's a matter of he being here,
and she being there,
that's why he doesnt feel the need to care.

guilt is in the seed he bares
spilling his shares of the profit
on a 500 million dollar market,
where children are regarded as product
and traded like stock tips
and raped for the sake of our pockets.

his laptop sits like a window
into Constances' room, where
he exits coz its almost noon,
and he's expecting his wife home soon.

With new clothes for the baby,
she'd be angry if she saw
his new lady;
a thirteen year old Filipino named Constance.

trust me girl,
God has not forgotten.
He knew Mary Magdalene and
the Woman at the Well.
He knows everything that happens.
...and in His arms she fell.

music post 9 special: packs

2007-05-29T02:48:00.000-07:00

packs mean a zip containing two or more songs by the same artist.

The Fratellis Pack
everyone and their dog listens to them now, that doesn't make them any less riotously awesome! indie playful, amazing instrument use..

8mm Pack
trip-hop, vaguely nuveau-jazz... probably for fans of The Knife, good background music.

Plus-Tech Squeeze Box Pack
zany japanese electronicaaaaa, genre called 'picopop', the equivalent of electropop. love it, but acquired taste. listen for the insanity.

Gunther Pack
funniest stuff i've heard all week!! 'ooh you touch my tra la la... oooh my ding-ding-dong'.... its horrifically funny in his 'manlyyy' voice. irresistibly eurovison'd.

The Donnas Pack
one of those 'all girl' alt rock bands... but still punchy and fun, quite likeable. good when I feel a bit pissed off kyahaha.

Elliot Smith Pack
who DOESN'T know this guy? first time I heard him was listening to 'needle in the hay' playing when ritchie was cutting his wrists in the royal tanenbaums (one of my favourite films, fyi :0!). indie accoustic rock, and my staple for when feeling depressed. its amazing and everyone ends up liking it somehow..

he died at 34 from a stab wound to the chest (inconclusive wether he, or his girlfriend did the choppy-choppy) after a life in which alcoholism, drugs and depression were rife. such a cobain character, only for the sad instead of angry??

let me know if there's any dead linkage, comment if taking (even if you were that person... just suprise me eh :/ )

cartharsis

2007-05-28T02:43:00.000-07:00

post something here anonymously.

a confession, secret, open letter, something you've thought of saying to somebody, but you're never going to.

say it here.

music post 8

2007-05-28T00:15:00.000-07:00

Benny Benassi - Love is Gonna Save Us
aww yay for the benny, the standard stock of bass but viola; lasting value.

ATV Vs. Faithless - Don't Stop Vs. Insomnia
a lot of folks don't like mashups, but I love them when done well. combo of two 90s/rave/rollerblade songs that you're going to know.

David Banner - Play (Dirty Ver.)
straight-up perversity ch'yup.

Cosmic Gate feat. Jan Johnston - I Feel Wonderful
while cosmic usually deals in cute-rave, this is more dance.

music post 7

2007-05-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

Daddy Yankee - Gasolina
that silly song that started from those wonky dance lessons.. a staple of a lot of parties these days, ahaha

Tune Up - Ravers Fantasy
ohh its cuuute electro-rave! haha it's got to b some kind of DDR song...

Mew - Saliva
i'm in bigtimelove for these danish boys. having been described as 'dreamy thunderstorm pop', they are just so cuddly and neat and everything, 'the zookeepers' boy' is their most known, so have this one as an alternative.

T.I - Bring em Out
the beat is so unconventional and bouncy, it's enough to make it super fun for a rappurr track.

Young Jeezy Feat. R Kelly - Go Getta
don't be turned off by de ghetto, the vocal layering and backvoicing is slickkk.

Fisherspooner - The 15th
FINALLY I found a high-qual version! I had a shitty one but still really liked it... now it's a classy level, you can love it too. reminds me of taking a taxi alone in the dark... hmm.

TLC - No Scrubs
okay, had a total punch to the gut of nostalgia during my glorious limo tour. trust me, you'll laugh at how much this smacks of the 90s. you're going to know it!

The Drill - The Drill
tripped-out bass-laced club dance... and no I don't know what exactly is going on with the song title/dj name coordination either. hot track anyway.

Yung Joc - Hear me Comin'
ahhhh yung joc, yumm. it's really driving, the boy has talent folks. something here breaks the typical rap mould, can't pick it yet.

poetry, oh noetry!

2007-05-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

i like my body when it is with your body.
It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,
and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh . . . . And eyes big Love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you quite so new

- e.e cummings

______________

Sonnet XVII

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Pablo Neruda

______________

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e.e cummings

_____________

in an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
the government has decided to allot
each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.

when the phone rings, i put it
to my ear without saying hello.
in the restaurant i point
at chicken noodle soup. i am
adjusting well to the new way.

late at night, i call my long
distance lover and proudly say
i only used fifty-nine today.
i saved the rest for you.

when she doesn’t respond, i know
she’s used up all her words
so i slowly whisper i love you,
thirty-two and a third times.
after that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.

- jeffery mcdaniel

music post 6

2007-05-08T00:30:00.000-07:00

Benny Benassi - I Love my Sex
yes. exactly.

Portugal the Man - How the Leopard Got its Spots
if you hang around my pool at night, i've been known to play the remix version of this! I just really like it. the vocals here just have so much to listen to.

Rod Stewart - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?
you should probably only sing this in public when having a cartrip. or karaoke war.

Patrick Park - Life is a Song
makes me think of leaving highschool somehow... voice-oriented and pleasant, while still being emotional.

MSTRKRFT - Paris!
I might actually like Paris if it was more like this! it's electro-house, quite different from electro-danceeee.

I have a headache, so this is halfheartedly me.

my outline.

2007-05-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

at the start of the year, I had a BMI (body mass index) that was overweight. I'm now in the lighter half of normal...

stats:
ht: 165cm (5'4 feet)
hw: 74.5kg (164 lbs)
lw: 53.5kg (117 lbs)
cw: 56kg (123 lbs)

how on earth did I ever weight almost 20 kg more? does anyone remember me looking like that? I can't.. (maybe reference the earlier mind-fuzz explaining entry)

I don't really know why I seem to be appearance-changing a lot. maybe subconsciously I was tired of being overweight. I still feel clumsy and ungraceful.. that doesn't change just because my waistline does.

if you're looking for 'answers', I don't eat white bread, and its uncommon to eat more than a small portion of red meat.. not much potato, not huge amounts of pasta or rice, and even less so after lunchtime. every morning I drink sen cha, I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables. sometimes I go walking, sometimes I run, sometimes I do 20 situps, sometimes I run up and down my stairs..

but none of this is strict, none of this is hard, none of this is often, and none of this makes me stressed, exhausted or unsatisfied... my body feels a lot happier.

I do not have an ED, not even vaguely. I don't restrict, binge or purge. I don't calorie-count, and my food behaviour isn't irrational, nor is my BMI >18.5.

i'm just really curious as to why I don't feel lighter than when I was a higher weight. I'm not upset about that, though - I feel better. I only get small signs that maybe I appear different a little... my stomach never seems to change though. which is why i'm suspicious to wether I really am lighter at all.

somehow I feel comforted by my own collarbones, the very very vague lines of chestbones under my skin, when my thighs look niceish... and hipbones. I touch my hipbones at least five times a day. I wonder if I counts as some kind of strange compulsion.

I feel a bit like.. if I can feel them, it's my only sign im not actually overwight.

it doesn't make you happier to weight less, by the way. don't wait to live.

music post 5

2007-05-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

Moi Caprice - The Only Happy Boy in Copenhagen
a 'caprice' or 'capriccio' is a short, bouncy piece. this is the only thing I remember from learning music. but this is alt rock/pop sort-of thing, boys hailing from Denmark (as the song title may suggest). it's whimsical and cute!

Adema - Giving In
think Linkin Park (before their more mainstream, though not nessesarily bad, latest offering). it's all angry and despairing and strong, but it's quite likeable in it's simplicity and good for bad moods.

DJ Tiesto - Forbidden Paradise (Deep Trance Mix)
haha pretty much amazing neu-rave stuff. full of everything fun, snaps and breaks and pops like some kind of robot frenzy.

ATB - 9pm (Till I Come)
thumping dance. you WILL remember this probably-late-nineties track, most likely from a rollarblading party you went to once! get an awesome blast from the past.

Tim Minchin - You Grew On Me
australians just have this awesome knack of being very funny, and making good comedians. Tim Minchin is a personal favourite, and absolutely best seen live. this picked one happens to be a cute romantic song.

Emily Haines - Reading in Bed
we all know she's the vocalist for Metric, but her solo work is always devoid of rock elements. this gives her easily sad voice a lot more room to work, this song in particular is very pretty in it's dreary gentle self.

Da Rude - Sandstorm
more rave music you're going to recognise!

Calvin Harris - The Girls
he claims to be electro punk, but he borrows a lot from disco. wait until the electro hits up in this track though, it's pretty freakin' sweet.

Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80s
how can a person born in the last year of the 80s not love this song? really good fun and nostalgic. the best of dancey cheap styles from now and then, aurally

Beirut - Elephant Gun
beirut is the capital city of lebanon.. which may the initial reason I was interested in listening. but the american youngster is remarkably special. sounds like gypsy music!

Caetano Veloso - Lisbela e Prisioneiro
everyone should know and respect this man! one of the most important comtemporary brazillian artists, he fused rock and roll elements with bossa nova to make 'tropicalismo'. a leftist who makes no apology for his predilections, he spent time in jail in the 60s as a political prisoner.

you mean more to me that you think.

2007-05-02T13:50:00.001-07:00

it's the morning, and somewhat chilly. it's winter after this month, which is both good and bad... bad, because it means I walk around in the afternnoon in the becoming-dark, and I shower in the dark/cold if I do so in the morning.

good, because winter can feel comforting. being warmed against the chill, and seeing something pretty on grey days. even though i'm a sun person and love summer, I can respect winter too.

dads' flown away to Oman until mothers' day. I have to be careful... and not irritate my mum or be a pain in the ass. she has to manage all this formal preparty stuff for next friday on her own.. albeit with I and my sisters' help.

i'm working my ass off for a successful formal. I know it'll be great, but I want it to be wonderful not just for me, but because everyone around me deserves a really fun night. I want to see everyone, in a room, feeling happy! All at once! Life makes it so difficult just to see that on a large scale.

During these weeks of flighty stress and should-be-doings, i'm reading Etiquette: A Guide to Modern Manners. it's quite wholly interesting, so pick it up from me if you'd like to sharpen your knowledge of politeness.

Two minutes to seven, and this huge crack of lightening just occured..

But, the thing I feel like talking about is why I want my whole year level to feel happy.

This all stems from the fact that i'm insecure, but working on it.

Coming from a tiny junor school in which I was friends with mostly boys, I had a disdain for girls and didn't know how to be a good friend to people whom I hadn't known forever. Entering a highschool without really considering that, I had a really hard time being myself, and existed mostly by myself with strange loneliness. I wasn't used to anything other than individual friendships, and in that early time of highschool people survive by having a support group.

I'm still not a group person, not that I consider that a good or bad thing.
But, from the lonely time I did grow up gradually. Because the people in my school-life are very gentle and have personalities that anybody would want to know, i've somehow become increasingly who I really am.

Who I am is a person outgoing and social, very physically affectionate, and loves to talk. For a long time I never had an oppurtunity to just be me, mostly due to myself.

Everyone has their 'awkward years', and i've had such awkward years I have almost no memory of them at all. At least they don't burden me.

I guess, just thankyou for liking me.

you are my now, but i've lost me

2007-04-26T04:25:00.000-07:00

Fischerspooner - Cloud

listen to the above! cheerful but it matches my mood. go amo for recc'ing them :)!

but to bring it down a notch-
for a while now, i've not been reaching deep enough for myself.
everything that is me feels unfocused, i'm facing no particular direction. it's the one thing i'm quietly worried about, on the times when i let myself think about it - why don't I have any driving force?

what I once called a pro of my personality is now something that i'm faintly concerned about. i'm flexible and casual... or is it just indecisiveness?

as a 'young intellectual', suddenly i'm wondering wether i'm selling myself(mostly just my brain, frankly) short. all the things others say around me, to me, for me... it's all washing over and I feel affected, yet unmoved. for the better or worse.

i'm trying to find my centre.
my views on what happiness really means is usually a strong feeling for me. A little rattled currently, i'm sitting and considering this dusty sheen settled on my emotions, and feel quite annoyed at the sensation of feeling lost.

here I am setting out what I think again, clearly.
things holding measures of happiness:

1) things I like to do. typically, activities where I can't focus on other stuff. this is sometimes big brother, or videogames, knitting, reading, cooking etc.

2) in relation to thinking of future things, remember research shows you statistically don't become happier once your income level reaches a certain point. That point is typically where you can have a comfortable life for yourself and your possible family, incl. a handful of life-indulgences.

3) time spent with friends.. self-explanatory.

4) find or maintain the reasons for living that are bigger than just me. love of someone special, child, friends, your family, yourself as a person. or making a world difference.

or do I just sound hugely sheltered and trite?

music post 4

2007-04-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

Au Revoir Simone - The Way to There
indie pop, female voice with mostly faux-electro and touches of strings. whimsical, drifty but weighted by the music. quite fond of her voice.

Rasputina - Transylvanian Concubine
you really can't not like this song about vampires. rasputina is a really superior string trio, their lifting celo lines tend to make them sound vauguely supernatural and often deal with slight macabre themes.

Klaxons - Golden Skans
they're probably my favourite new thing from england. they can probably be called dance-punk, and this single has a really fab music video. their name comes from greek 'to shreik', but that's hardly what they do.

Gym Class Heroes - Shell Shock
so whatever, these guys are or will be the next big thing. alt-hip-hop-pop is all i could call them. 'cupids' chokehold' is getting a lot of airplay lately. this is a track they contributed to the TMNT soundtrack! (they also worked on the snakes on a plane themesong.)

Scarring Party - No More Room
accordions and banjo! a milwaukee quintet that are joyful to listen to. it's very obviously 1920s-styled, which i love. a song about certain doom!

The Dandelions - On the 54
hooray for garage rock! they sound like Jet and End of Fashion combined, only a lot more fun. and from sweden.

Shakira - No
alright, so I like Shakira. it's out in the open now! this is a spanish track and slow, not the latin-pop shes known for at the moment.

Uffie - Pop the Block
that's right, it's electro-rapppp. very infectious, she's very fun to listen to here.

Sick Puppies - All The Same
no matter what people might say, these guys are way too mainstream to be credited as indie. sydneysiders, you can expect them to get pretty popular soon when they get some video hits play. this is a sooky la la romancy rock/poppish song. the voice encourages sing-alongs ;)

Aladdin OST - Prins Ali
hell yes! disney songs in not-english! i think this could be icelandic.

pimp this music rotation blog around!

god hates fags

2007-04-16T04:10:00.001-07:00

let me familiarise you with Fred Phelps. the church he leads in Topeka is built around anti-homosexual theology. thier homepage is http://www.godhatesfags.com/, on which there is written 'god loves everyone - the greatest lie ever told'.

alright, here's an imperfect effort to try and make you feel a little less sickened at that display of very pure and pitiful hate. I'm a big defender of free speech, but there is a line and this is dancing flagrantly across it. watch louis theroux (a rad journalist) talk about making a program about the family here.

who here is familiar with wanting to destroy a part of yourself?; who here looks into the mirror and has seen something they desperately want erased?

what if this vileness inside you is what everyone else may enjoy - love and desire. many times may you feel alone, but do you know how very alone it is to not identify as heterosexual?

"...She looked around the room again and realised that they all had a secret sexual journey going on, not just the gay kids. they all had secret passions, furtive sexual experiments, disturbing desires. Apart from the bragging of the boys and the competition of the girls, the secrets and insecurities were the same and so was the silence.

They all wanted to be loved - that was the bottom line.
They were all desperate to be loved as individuals. The gays and straights had that in common.
Young couples were supposed to rejoice in their love, but 11% of young people were made to feel like criminals, shamed. "

homosexuality and bisexuality is not unnatural.

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. -Boethius

2007-04-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

You are not my lover, you are not the only one
Often we are un-alone, group sprawled in seasons’ sun.

But I love to stretch beside you; it makes me feel that we relate
a secret smile in classes, for she’s the reason I am late!

Your skin to me is perfect, your scent I breathe is sweet
If you touch me I am happy, if we hug it feels complete

If I know not what to say, then touch is what I’ll do.
It’s me saying you’re beautiful, and I couldn’t not love you.

music post 3

2007-04-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

RDJ2 - The Horror
this hip-hop/electronical/trip artist is cloaked in mystery, by nature of the name and the music. I was kinda worshipping a faceless god, but realised he's the artist that does lots of backtracks for skateboarding videos. ethereal, and always interesting.

Hadouken! - Liquid Lives
since i'm a huge nerd, I recognised the bandname is a name of a fist move in the old street fighter games. remarkably similar to Mindless Self Indulgence in the off-the wall delivery, vocals, and oddity in general. i'm guessing it's referring to alcoholism, but hell if I can tell!

Röyksopp - So Easy
norwegian electronica duoo! you should recall them from their frequent listing on ministry of sound compilations(check out 'what else is there'). this is a less dance, more playful sound.

Sunrise Avenue - Fairytale Gone Bad
soft rock, very appealing. at first I was smitten with his interesting voice, only to find the accent is due to actually being finnish!

The Pussycat Dolls - Tainted Love
oh yes, they covered it! not half bad.

E-40 - Muscle Cars
filling request. fab rap artist! I have a feeling this is on the 'stomp the yard' OST but i'm not 100%

Styx - Renegade
from the 70s/80s, they were kinda.. er... funk-rock. the guitar is kicky in a very good way.

Ted Leo & The Pharmacists - Counting Down the Hours
indie rock that never fails to be significantly interesting. this even borders on folk-sounding, then erupts into harder rock.

Sparrow House - When I am Gone
sounds like Josh Pyke and Elliot Smiths' lovechild... soft, breezy, husked-out voice. pleasant and dreamy, not exactly optimistic though.

Emily Haines - Detectives' Daughter
often very recognisable as the vocalist for Metric, her solo work is almost invariably macabre, soft, slowed and a little bit scary.

The Mars Volta - Inertiatic ESP
kind of psychedelic, their spanning music patterns and frenetic vocals might liken them to the fallen 'Panic', but the style-snarling wild way they pull stuff off is more like Wolfmother.

music post 2

2007-04-11T02:37:00.000-07:00

Greenskeepers - Lotion
very english, appealing song of cannibalistic overtones. will get into your head.

K's Choice - Virgin State of Mind
melancholy, soft-spoken, harrowed and emotional, like most of K's Choice. snazzy.

Illogic - Hate in a Puddle
if I told you it's urban, you'll just be turned off. chance it, because Illogic is top-shelf.

Marit Bergman - Adios Amigos
kicky, upbeat and punk-touched rock

Dethklok - Duncan Hills Coffee
name of the group should give you a hint ahaha. rediculous, loud and growling. very silly, I listen to this stuff while gaming..

m-flo - A.D.D.P
energizing, cosmic-sounding with a beat. m-flo always appeals to people with a strong musical flair, no idea why. the way the vocals are mixed in different languages is freakin' wow.

Midnight Juggernauts - Fire Below
much love for these melbourne boys and their runaway electronica! pyromaniacs xx

Will Young - Hey Ya (Live)
very cute, slowed cover of the Outkast song.

Porcelain and the Tramps - King of the World
exultant, grunged-up but very driving, love it. a lot like the best of Tsunami Bomb.

death and fear

2007-04-11T02:16:00.000-07:00

what makes us fear death?
it appears we fear it instinctively, as we all have an inherent will to live. if we understand this, why can't we acknowledge then assimilate the fear?
we naturally dislike dangerous creatures, because we are taught they can cause us pain and at worst, kill us. yet through understanding, practice and learning, it's increasingly common to not fear them, to give gruding respect.

death, along with birth, is the most constant part of being a human. death, like a weaponous animal, can cause us pain, and smother the breath from us. what makes both fearful is present in both; and yet still we have taken no measures to meditate, consider and learn not to fear the end of our lives.

fear is what everyone, everywhere battles with. we fight internally with our fear, reacting with striking out.

this is both wrong, and ineffective.

governments purely act from fear. no western government truly puts faith in their people. our own parliament panders to the sensibilities and unexpert feelings of the public, because they fear not being re-elected. security measures in place, for fear. we are the lions, they throw the meat.

all for fear of us biting the feeding hand!

music post ver.1

2007-04-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

Eleisha Eagle - Catholic Schoolgirl
musical-style rock about.. life being a catholic schoolgirl ahah.

Bayside - Blame it on Bad Luck
in the vein of Something Corporate. not emo, but not cheerful. really like it though, it appeals to the inner erm... angst.

Cold War Kids - Hospital Beds
loving the piano back in hurr. indie music, interesting voice.

Face to Face - The Devil You Know (God is a Man)
you know that group Hinder? with that 'lips of an angel' song, and the totally embarassing video clip? this is what they would sing if they grew some balls.

Cassius - The Sound of Violence
don't let the title fool you, this is tricked-out sexesque dance music. makes me somewhat pepped.

life is lived forwards, yet may only be understood backwards.

2007-04-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

alright, i've slept about 2 days in my own bed out of the break so far. this feels very weird, in this space where by room is inordinately MESSY as frick and I have people I reallyreally need to call. but now it's all late, like every other time i get home, so no go there.

when it's devillishly late or disturbingly early in a day and i'm too lazy to get up, my bedheaded self has a routine of frequented places on this great wide interbutt. a portion of these are very interesting related to street style, kind of taking cues from FRUiTS magazine.

http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ New York
http://facehunter.blogspot.com/ Europe...ish
http://hel-looks.com/ Helsinki, Finland
http://www.yourboyhood.com/ Seoul, Korea
http://mnlstyl.blogspot.com/ Manila, Philippenes (CAN'T SPELL ARG)

melbourne fashion-esque blogs:
http://melbourne-runway.blogspot.com/
http://www.listsanddiagrams.com/kidsinmelbourne/

so while i'm too busy to call and talk... and least I can type. (and click).

and where you go, I want to go with you.

2007-04-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

several of you like/have watched Goodbye Lenin! the movie, so why don't you enjoy the OST on the house?

never say I didn't love you.

i'm off to Amsterdam and the UK for a weekish-ish next term holiday. so who wants a postcard? hopefully I can find nice clothing items, as well as breathe some exotic air.

picked up some formal jewellery shopping while I was over at my grandmothers, kyaa! i'm trying to learn more knitting tricks... I think in general I should focus more on how to make stuff um, good. a wealth of talent for the feminine arts in my family, and here I am a relatively undisciplined blob... I have it in my mind to buy a binder just to write cooking/sewing/knitting/cleaning etc tips that I always manage to hear and forget. recipes at least is a must... with my goal to move outta home dec '08.

my ideal living space isn't much like where I live now. it's not as if I hate it, it just feels uncomfortable at times... my dream space has comfort written all over it, and familiarity.. and good scents.